Expedition Bigfoot
“Something’s watching us. It knows we’re here. Did you hear that? There is no animal I know of that makes a sound like that.”
For the last couple years I have been following the exploits of the research team on The Travel Channel’s Expedition Bigfoot. The team comprises three self-proclaimed Bigfoot experts, and to lend an air of credibility to the show, an ‘acclaimed’ primatologist joins the cast. Yes, it’s a cast, as in a TV show. A ‘reality show?’ No, that doesn’t exist either.
Before you hear it from someone else, I should tell you that, although I wear a hat that contradicts it, I am not a believer. Bigfoot probably does not exist. I don’t know for sure, but I haven’t seen any compelling evidence. I guess that makes me a skeptic. If I had to choose a side, the analytical, critical thinking half of my brain would label it a fairy tale. The other half simply chuckles. It’s very difficult to prove something like that doesn’t exist. It would be very easy to prove that it does, but lacking any sort of evidence, logic dictates disbelief. Or skepticism. I’ll leave the door ajar. My purpose here is not to disprove the existence of Bigfoot. I can’t do that. I’m simply exposing this show as entertainment. There is nothing wrong with that, but there is no science involved. And I’m not really complaining. I am entertained.
Now, on with the show.
Set in the remote forests of the Pacific Northwest, Expedition Bigfoot follows the activities of the group of researchers on their quest to gather evidence that they hope may prove the existence of the mythical beast, Bigfoot. The only real scientist, the primatologist, tries her best to remain objective and tame the team’s wild imaginations, but she is very easily influenced by their histrionics.
Each season, several square miles of remote, forested land is chosen to be the search area. That area is not selected at random. It is chosen because it is believed to be perfect Bigfoot habitat, and it is suspected to be currently inhabited by Bigfoot, according to historical reports of sightings, as well as from information obtained by interviewing ‘eyewitnesses’ and local residents. Tales from Native Americans, if available, are highly coveted by the researchers. Their stories and legends are considered to be credible evidence of a history going back many generations. Although stories and legends are not actual evidence, they could possibly lead the team to the discovery of genuine evidence.
In a typical episode, two or three of the team members will venture into the currently-selected search area looking for clues. It isn’t difficult, because everything is a clue: footprints; marks on tree trunks; broken branches; displaced rocks; strange noises; Bigfoot snack food wrappers; anything they can pretend is out of the ordinary.
Not surprisingly, they find many things that they consider “not quite right,” and we know they are onto something big when we hear, “This shouldn’t be here.” A full ten minutes can be spent speculating about the origin of a broken stick found on a trail, before ultimately concluding that it proves Bigfoot was there. To our team, everything is evidence of, and in many cases, proof positive of the existence of Bigfoot.
If a frog jumps into the water with a splash, it is of course Bigfoot throwing rocks at them. Bigfoot is a well-documented rock thrower. Most people wouldn’t know that. But the researchers do. They are experts. Many episodes include rock-throwing, although the rocks are never seen or recovered.
In a common scenario during the preliminary daylight location-scouting, the researchers may come across something as commonplace as a loose pile of sticks, just forest debris to you and me. The experts know it’s a Bigfoot nest, of course. Really, what else could it be? Or perhaps they find a lean-to type of structure. It’s really just a fallen branch leaning on a tree. But to them, something had to put it there. A patch of flattened grass certainly has to be a Bigfoot nest. And a fallen tree always suggests Bigfoot was there, because trees apparently never fall over unless pushed by Bigfoot. It’s never the same type of nest, because, unlike every other nest builder on the planet, Bigfoot likes to get creative.Bird nests, by contrast, are so uniform and specific that you can tell from a nest what species built it. And if you can’t, their nests are filled with feathers and other bodily substances that contain identifying DNA.
Bigfoot, the huge, hairy, smelly beast is so neat that he never leaves anything behind, except an empty nest. No hair has ever been found in a suspected nest, or anywhere, that can’t be identified as belonging to an indigenous species. No body fluids. No poop. There is just the abandoned nest, thoroughly cleaned as if a cleaning deposit refund is expected.
They explained that Bigfoot is a wanderer. He will build a new nest every night and abandon forever the old one. That really doesn’t make sense.
Think about it. A new nest built every night would amount to 365 nests a year. Just one Bigfoot would leave 3650 nests behind in ten years. If there are several…say 10 Bigfoots…36,500 nests would be cluttering the forests after ten years. There is no evidence of that many nest-like structures ever being found. And if they have been around for hundreds or even thousands of years, you’d be tripping over nests or the remains of nests everywhere you go. All across the continent where Bigfoot is ‘known’ to exist there would be traces of hundreds—or thousands—of abandoned nests. And no hair.
But, like Bigfoot, we must move on, because as interesting as all this broad-daylight exploration is, the real action happens at night. That’s why we’re here. Everything is scarier at night. During those daylight excursions, the team scouts for locations they want to explore when it gets dark. And spooky. So they come back after dark.
In those nighttime ventures, the two members in the field search different areas, so they are always separated, because, you know, there’s safety in numbers. Bigfoot is always out there watching them. They know that because he is always making Bigfoot sounds. Sounds like deer and elk. Bears, cougars, porcupines. Night birds. Falling pinecones. It’s amazing how accurately Bigfoot can mimic any sound that naturally occurs in the forest.
Not only does Bigfoot make sounds, he reacts to sounds. If you whistle, he will whistle back. According to the experts, he is also more attracted by certain sounds. The researchers played the recorded sound of a crying baby. They said they are attracted to the sound because it is recognized as easy prey. I don’t recall any reports of Bigfoot eating babies. And if one showed up that night looking for a meal, he didn’t stay to pose for pictures.
But Bigfoot also has a big personality. Even if he is being perfectly silent, the researchers can feel his presence.
The nighttime scenes mimic, almost certainly intentionally, the filming style of the Blair Witch Project. A researcher, alone and frightened, is slowly moving through the forest. It’s dark, so all we can see is her face and bits of background trees that are mysteriously illuminated. She whispers into the radio. “Something’s watching me. It knows I’m here. I can feel its presence—what the hell was that?”
The nighttime dialog is always in whispered tones. It doesn’t make sense, because Bigfoot always knows they’re there anyway. He’s actively stalking them. They are not going to sneak up on him. A whisper is a simple theatrical ploy.
The other researcher is out there too, in a different area, but going through the same thing, and the scenes cut back and forth between the two. We watch helplessly as each is left to face the horrific unknown completely alone—if you don’t count the cameraman.
The cameraman! That solves the mystery of the illumination. And that clever cameraman is filming in low light, and black and white. That’s how easy it is to turn a tranquil evening stroll through the woods into a terrifying nightmare.
With their constant presence in Bigfoot territory, with the constant presence of Bigfoot stalking them, and so loaded up with tracking and imaging equipment, it is surprising they have never gotten a film clip or photograph of Bigfoot. Every time they think they see it, we quickly go to commercial.
When we come back, they show a flurry of quick edits and fuzzy images of trees and shadows. Trees that look like Bigfoot. The spaces between the trees look like Bigfoot. Every shadow looks like Bigfoot. Every forest sound is Bigfoot. Every eerie silence is Bigfoot.
Almost everything in the forest is Bigfoot. Why are there no good pictures?
Because Bigfoot has borrowed something from the Star Trek universe: a cloaking device. Whether it’s through technology or technique, he can simply choose to be invisible. He squats down, covers his eyes with his hands (paws?) and he becomes invisible. It’s the old “I can’t see you, so you can’t see me ploy.” And it works! That’s the story from the experts. You can’t make this stuff up.
It has also been implied that Bigfoot can move effortlessly through time and space. A mythical creature that transcends time and space. How convenient. Now you see him, now you don’t.
“He was right there. I was looking right at him. Then he just vanished. In retrospect, I probably should have taken a picture.” Maybe, although I’ve seen your pictures. They don’t help.
That’s the general outline of most episodes: First, they talk to some witnesses or experts. Then they poke around in the brush during the daylight hours, getting the lay of the land and looking for clues. And finally, when darkness falls, they run for their lives, screaming in terror.
They do get some work done, though, so I have assembled a small assortment of some of the best evidence collected by the team at Expedition Bigfoot. Most of it can be considered evidence only if you ignore the obvious facts, which they do very skillfully. Suspension of disbelief.
One recent episode tells of the discovery, deep in the forest in Washington’s Olympic Peninsula, of what our researchers call “U.S. Government Bigfoot Observation Bunkers.” They say the fact these bunkers exist at all is proof positive that the government knows about Bigfoot, because they have been studying them from those bunkers that were built specifically for that purpose.
Well, that settles it. Proof positive! Now, where are those Bigfoot photos?
Those large concrete bunkers they refer to are identical to the ones here in Southern Oregon, where I live (and Bigfoot doesn’t.) They were built in 1941 during WWII as part of the combat training facilities at Camp White, now White City. Otherwise known as pillboxes, they are riddled with bullet holes from live ammo training. Now, they sit abandoned, just curiosities among the scrub oak in the rock-strewn fields near the Table Rocks.
The folks at Expedition Bigfoot know this. At least they should. It’s a simple internet search to find out more than they want to know. WWII training facilities don’t prove Bigfoot exists. “Government Bigfoot Observation Bunkers” come a little closer.
I suppose the government could have used the same blueprints to build the Bigfoot observation bunkers in Washington. However, their observation value is severely limited; the only openings are small gun ports. But with the 2-foot-thick concrete construction the observers would be well protected from any rocks (or frogs) thrown by Bigfoot.
On another excursion, researchers collected water samples from a river that flowed through a Bigfoot fishing area just upstream. I think it was sort of a resort area for vacationing Bigfoots. It was too difficult for the researchers to access directly, so they decided to test for DNA in the water just downstream. The reasoning was that DNA from anything in or near the water would flow downstream with the water.
As expected, testing revealed a multitude of DNA fragments from a variety of life forms, but there was no complete DNA from anything. The ‘specialist’ compiled a list of the possible source species for those fragments. She explained to the team that the program listed all organisms that shared any section of DNA that was identified in the water sample; any given scrap of DNA could have come from any of several different species.
Deer, bears, fish, humans—all the things you might expect to be there were identified as possible sources of the DNA samples tested. Also included on the list were some animals not found in the area, but that shared some DNA sequences with those that did, because they were closely-related species.
It also turned up something that they thought was unusual. Pan troglodytes was on that list. Yes, DNA evidence of the presence of a chimpanzee. That’s when you get the mysteriously spoken “This shouldn’t be here!”
Chimpanzee DNA in the middle of an Oregon forest. That’s the proof of Bigfoot they had been looking for. Even the expert couldn’t explain it. She said there should not be any chimpanzee DNA there.
She knew better.
Because of course, she knew there wasn’t a chimpanzee there. I already knew the answer, but another quick internet search verified it. They were looking at short sections of DNA recovered from the water samples. All organisms share DNA. The shorter the segment, the more likely other animals will share a particular combination
.
Closely related animal species like a deer and an elk will share large numbers of identical DNA segments. Any given segment identified could belong to a deer or an elk. Maybe a moose…or a reindeer. They would all be included on the list as possibilities, even though most were probably never there.As it turns out, humans and chimpanzees share 98.8% of their DNA. That means that thousands of segments of DNA from either one will be identical. The testing done did not identify specific DNA that pointed to only Chimpanzee, of course, but only a range of creatures that the DNA piece could have come from. So that ‘chimp DNA’ was almost certainly human DNA, a totally expected result.
The woman they consulted as a DNA expert would absolutely have known that, and she would have been obligated to share that information. But, at least on camera, she claimed ignorance of the actual source, and indeed, pretended to be mystified. If she had informed them, the show’s producers chose to keep that from the viewers.
Why? Human DNA proves nothing. Chimp DNA is SOMETHING! Something, it’s but still not evidence of Bigfoot in any way. Just more contrived mystery.
But there exists another more innocuous possibility. The technician who does your X-ray or MRI knows how to do run the equipment to get the picture, but they are usually not qualified to analyze or diagnose. Our DNA sample was analyzed by the lab tech, not a DNA expert. That’s my conclusion.
Before we leave this one, remember why they tested for DNA in the water: the target area was too difficult to access. Yet they recovered human DNA in the water from the target area. Someone figured out how to get there. These researchers do not connect dots scientifically.
There are reports from all over the country of Bigfoot sightings. In one episode, the team was in Kentucky chasing down a lead, and they made a discovery in a soil sample from an area where Bigfoot had been reported. Chimpanzee DNA. Again. A little poking around turned up a witness. This time, the witness actually saw the chimp.
It turns out that this eyewitness was almost 80 years old, and the purported sighting occurred over 70 years ago. That’s almost pointless to investigate. You’d think there would be something more recent, more relevant. You’d be wrong.
The primatologist on the team interviewed the old man who claimed he saw a dead Bigfoot when he was 8 years old. As he recalled the incident, his uncle had driven up to his rural home in a pickup truck one day and announced that he had a ‘dead monkey’ in the back. His uncle lifted the tarp that covered the body to show it to the boy’s dad. The old man says he had caught a glimpse of it too. He said he remembered it was about his size (an 8-year-old boy.) It was all black with big feet. There was no mention of fur.
No mention of fur, but big feet? Bigfoot is hairy in all accounts, and no one mentions disproportionately large feet. His feet are big because he is big. He got his name from a large footprint, presumably left by a big Bigfoot. The old man’s mention of big feet is a big red flag!
Memories are malleable. Scientists say that every time you recall a memory, you brain changes details. I have many memories from my early childhood that I ‘remember’ only because I have heard the stories so many times. I know I was too young to remember some things, and I may not even have been there for others. You’ve probably shared tales from childhood with friends or relatives. So you know how your memories of details can vary wildly from someone else’s who was there.
We don’t know how much the old man remembered accurately, and how much was from memories that evolved over the 70 years that intervened, but there are other, much more likely explanations. He may never have actually seen what was under the tarp. Memories evolve over time, and they can become confused and co-mingled with other memories. If he hadn’t actually seen the ‘monkey’ but heard his dad tell the story many times, it became part of his own memory.
The ‘big feet’ comment sounds as if he is selling the story. New and improved. Now with lemon!
I believe the incident did take place, and his dad did see something under the tarp in the back of the truck. It was not Bigfoot. And it was likely not a monkey either. Here is my perspective, as a set of clues, based upon the old man’s testimony.
There’s a dead ‘monkey’ under a tarp in the bed of a pickup truck in the backwoods of racially ‘insensitive’ 1949 Kentucky. You should be able to take it from there.
It’s the lab tech syndrome again. They know how to listen to someone’s story, but they don’t know how to analyze it, or how to ask questions that may confirm or contradict details.
Occasionally, the team talks to other experts to gain additional insight to aid their search.
What could be better than talking to world-renowned anthropologist and primatologist Jane Goodall? Probably nothing, as long as you are free to misinterpret her remarks to suit your narrative. The team wanted her to clarify some statements she had made years ago about cryptids. She had remarked that many legendary creatures over history have eventually been discovered to be real. That is certainly true, and no one can dispute it.
But, contrary to the researchers’ characterizations, Jane Goodall never said she believed in Bigfoot.
During this interview, when specifically asked about the legendary Bigfoot, she made a statement to the effect that every region and community in the world has a legend involving some mysterious, secretive, usually malevolent humanoid creature. Our team’s ‘acclaimed’ primatologist naturally interpreted that to mean that Jane Goodall believed in Bigfoot.
I understood it to mean the opposite: none of the legends point to mythical creatures. They are just that: legends. But, if you’re looking for evidence of Bigfoot, you’ll find evidence of Bigfoot. Also keep in mind, these are not independent, unbiased researchers. They are simply actors in The Bigfoot Show, and are paid to believe. Bigfoot is real, and everything proves it.
We have talked to a couple experts of varying expertise. One had an apparent willingness to forgo ethical responsibilities and play along (or was not qualified), and another whose remarks were intentionally misconstrued. We also talked to an eyewitness of questionable credibility (although likely not intentionally deceitful). We have gained nothing from those diversions. When illuminated with the proper perspective, they do nothing to bolster the credibility or validity of the research.
Let’s get back to the action. That’s why we’re here. As I said, most of the excitement happens at night so before I wrap up this informal tribunal, I’d like to describe one last Expedition Bigfoot outing.
On this evening, the team was out with night-vision cameras, and we were promised the best images of Bigfoot ever captured. So much for promises. Setting us up for the expected disappointment, a team member explained that all the equipment runs on batteries, and they can only carry so many spare batteries. So, right on cue her battery dies, and terrified, she radios the other guy who’s prowling in a different area with his own night vision equipment. “My battery just died. I’m blind.”
“Mine just died, too,” came the response just a few moments later.
So now they are both alone in the woods, blind. They both apparently forgot about their flashlights. And we are again expected to forget about the camera crew that accompanies each researcher, with their camera and lights on them the whole time so we can watch them being terrified in the “dark,” which is the whole point of the show. Bigfoot research is the setting. Blind terror is the plot.
The cameramen must have been wearing cargo pants and had more pockets to carry extra batteries, because their lights still have plenty of power for that Blair-Witch glow, and the cameras still have plenty of power to record the researchers’ terrified faces in glorious black and white.
They are now pretending to be in the dark, and of course this is always when Bigfoot makes his presence known. “What was that? Did you hear that? Look! Did you see that dark, shadowy shape in the trees? He knows we’re here. He’s stalking us!”
After a few quick, blurry shots of trees, shadows and frightened faces, the image begins to bounce around because even the cameraman is now running for his life. And we go to a commercial.
When we return, everyone is safe back at base camp, knees still weak and trembling, reviewing the experience and the video, which showed plenty of trees and shadows, otherwise known as Bigfoot.
Here are the results. Team Bigfoot: “Proof! He’s real! He tried to eat us.”
Team Reason: “Nothing to see here. Tomorrow I’m going to turn my life around and do something meaningful.”
Here’s the real slap-in-the-face, back-to-reality revelation. While I was on The Travel Channel’s Expedition Bigfoot web page verifying a few details, I found a link to a list that was titled: “10 Places To Go To See Bigfoot.“
What? Right there on Expedition Bigfoot’s web page, The Travel Channel is telling us where anyone can go to see Bigfoot. I wonder why they didn’t tell the expedition team where to look. Wouldn’t that be handy for them? They are obviously looking in the wrong places. Someone should let them know.
If there are ten places where you can go see Bigfoot, do people ever go there? Have they ever seen Bigfoot there? If they have, they certainly would have taken pictures. Where are those pictures? Where is the video?
And what about regular people in more conventional settings? People go watch birds, and they get pictures…awesome pictures! People go whale watching and they get awesome pictures. And video.
There are thousands of trail cameras in Bigfoot Country. Our Expedition Bigfoot researchers set them up themselves wherever they go. Where are the photos?
Over 160 years of photography— black and white, then color film, then digital—have produced no convincing Bigfoot pictures. A hundred years of movie cameras—8mm, super 8— and 60-plus years of video cameras—VHS, then digital— have captured no Bigfoot movies or audio.
For at least the last 15 years, everyone on the planet has carried a high-quality camera with them on their cell phone everywhere they go. 24 hours a day, seven days a week. And they use them. There are trillions of pictures on peoples’ phones, and the vast majority of them make it to the internet. (At least a billion of those pictures are of peoples’ boring meals. But that’s another story.) Not a single one shows Bigfoot.
Expedition Bigfoot should be consumed for entertainment only. That’s what it is. It is not scientific research by any stretch of the imagination.
Epilogue
There is a Bigfoot trap right here in Southern Oregon, just a few miles from where I live. It was built in 1974 by the now-defunct North American Wildlife Research Team to catch whatever left 18-inch-long footprints in a local resident’s garden, suspected to be Bigfoot. The trap was operated for about 6 years, being baited with animal carcasses. It caught several bears over the years.
No longer baited or monitored, the trap’s door is locked open. It is now a tourist trap. And it has been much more successful at that.
Scott Wright © 2022
Expedition Bigfoot Update: Spring 2024
Our intrepid team is closer than ever to finding Bigfoot.
While in Alaska during a recent episode in the latest season, they found what they described as Bigfoot handprints in the mud of a boggy area. There was a short series of “hand” impressions interspersed with “footprints” —also from Bigfoot— that seemed to suggest that the ever-elusive beast occasionally walked on all fours. You know, like a bear.
Cut to the primatologist in the group, who is holding what looks like a giant human skull. She explains that it was modeled based upon descriptions and a sketch from an eyewitness. Not a sketch of a Bigfoot skull, but a drawing of a big scary furry shadow. It was there and then it was gone. The sculptor included minute detail in that skull, as if produced using CT scans of an actual skull as a reference. Nope…a frightened witness’s drawing. Again, a model was made, not from a drawing of the skull, but from a drawing of a furry shadow.
I know you’re asking, “What does a skull have to do with hand prints or footprints?”
The skull was so intricately detailed that the primatologist could tell from the bottom of the skull where the spine attached that it showed evidence that its owner had the ability to walk on all fours as well as upright…you know, like a bear.
Now I ask, “How?”Those ‘details’ on the model did not come from a Bigfoot skull. They were from a model created by an artist from her imagination. She had never seen a Bigfoot skull, real or in pictures.
What we have is a Bigfoot skull model, made using absolutely zero data from a Bigfoot skull. The primatologist was doing detective work on evidence that does not exist. It’s a lot like having a crime victim describe the perpetrator to a sketch artist. When the drawing is done, she says, “That’s him. That’s the guy!” So they send the sketch off to get its DNA analyzed. That is some amazing science.
Also investigated in this episode was an audio recording that was made one evening during the search. The base-camp researcher explained that he listened to the recording, and he identified several sounds as being normal indigenous animals or other normal phenomena. But then he turned the volume up very loud, there was a noisy, steady hiss, with some other intermittent noises.
Having audio recording experience myself, I know that drastically increasing the volume on virtually any audio source will result in exactly that. The background noise, part natural, part electronic from the equipment itself, will be amplified to the point that there will be a noisy hiss with many odd-sounding artifacts weaving in and out. But the researcher felt he heard words among those artifacts. Not human words, but Bigfoot words.
He sent the audio off to get a second opinion, but not an audio expert’s opinion. He chose to get an opinion from a linguistics expert. This guy was an expert in languages, but the real reason he was chosen was his background. He had once been involved in researching a case where an entire family was held captive by a group of Bigfoots.
During that prior investigation he discovered that Bigfoot has a language of spoken words that they use to communicate with one another. So, naturally he heard words in the new recording. Not only that, but he said it sounded like one individual was talking, and a different one answered…also with words!
I will admit that I don’t recall the actual words that he said were spoken, but it sounded like, “Hacuna Matata.”
I would be willing to bet that if you sent him any random audio asking if he could hear Bigfoot words, he would hear Bigfoot words.
That’s the state of the investigation as of spring, 2024. The researchers keep exploring, and just about everything they see, hear and smell is Bigfoot. But still, there no pictures, no hair, no poop, no DNA samples, no video. And dare I say, no audio recordings of Bigfoot conversations.
Still, after several seasons searching the remote regions of the continent, there is absolutely no evidence of any kind that would point to Bigfoot. The “I can’t explain it so it must be Bigfoot” reasoning is still not science.